So, I’ve been thinking about names lately…
(That’s a lie, I’ve wanted to write this for a while.)
I’m never not thinking about names. I find them fascinating: Names can mean a lot to people. They are our Identity – literally. Titles and promises we carry with us through life. Let me explain:
When I was younger, I figured this out through my understanding of Arabic names, specifically surrounding the Ninety-nine names of Allah. I never understood how someone could have Ninety-nine names. (I could barely handle two.) But once I was taught their meanings, I was able to piece it together: An-Nur (The Light), Al-Ghaffar (The All-Forgiving), Ar-Rahmaan (The Most Merciful). They are Titles, promises of who God is and who he will be to us in our lives. But, I didn't name myself. And I certainly never consented to any promises of who I am or who I will be.
Al-Mohammed - The Chosen
Al-Mukhtar - The Empowered
Who could ever live up to that? Also, how much weight does it carry when every second Muslim boy you meet is named Muhammed? If Jet-Li taught me anything, it’s that we can’t all be the Chosen One, no?
So, there’s this movie right: The Namesake (2006), directed by Mira Nair and based on Jhumpa Lahiri’s novel of the same name. Absolutely stunning movie, with the most wonderful performances from Irfaan Khan and Tabu. (Seriously, go watch it!). It follows the life of a young Bengali man after a horrific train accident that he miraculously survives and the life and family he builds thereafter. The main character is his son, Nikhil Gogol, who is so named after the writer Nikolai Gogol, whose work the father was reading when the train derailed and whom the father believes gave him the gift of a second life.
Just watch this scene from the movie:
Now, I don’t actually think little six-year-old me saw this movie and had some grand epiphany on life and names, but I do think it had a kind of subconscious effect on how I understood names moving forward.
Given this, maybe it’s the names we give ourselves that are the promises we make, and it’s the names we are given, be it nick-names or the ones by our parents, that are more representative of what we mean to them. Or rather, is it the hopes our loved ones have for us that we carry with us? They are still titles, but rather than being things we promise to be, they are guides of who we could be, should we choose to live up to them.
But aren’t those just expectations? No. You don’t have to live up to anybody's expectations. Anyone that demands that you do may be someone whose place in your life you need to re-examine. But the converse of that is being someone who no one expects anything of, at all. And being that person can be a lonely experience.
Names are powerful. Why, then, is it that I go by Moe or MoeLycaen and not the Powerful Name I had already been given? (Yes, I am going to keep asking questions on your behalf because this is a one sided conversation I’m having and you’re just not pulling your weight, dude). (Also, there's nothing you can really do about it so… wait, where are you going? Don’t stop reading, I’ll be good I swear).
I’ve often been asked why I operate under a Pen-Name. The assumption is always that I am somehow ashamed of my name.
I am not.
Or that I am compromising to westernised ideals in order to make my name more pronounceable to western society.
Ha! Have you tried pronouncing MoeLycaen?
Yeah, don’t hurt yourself.
We live in an age where POCs and art-makers from marginalised communities are boldly pushing to reclaim their full names, whether they are pronounceable to western society or not, whether they make western society uncomfortable or not.
It has never been about that for me. My identity, I've found, is not tied to just one name. It’s all of them. And I kind of like that. Let me try to explain:
Amal Kassir has this brilliant TedxTalk on names as the stories we share about ourselves. She also talks about how the way we introduce ourselves and the name we choose to give out, communicates something about us. I chose the name MoeLycaen. I did this at the age of thirteen. I was obsessed with werewolves at the time as well as Greek mythology, and I mashed these two bastardised versions of Mohammed and Lycaon (the first werewolf) into something I could use for playing Tekken 6 online and as a unique signifier of myself on my Instagram. And it ended up sticking, becoming a whole new thing and the pen-name that I work under as a Maker-of-Things.
This name is not a promise, nor a title… It is simply a place. As a child it became a place to put all these parts of myself I wanted to explore. Specifically, with regards to making stuff (drawing, writing, etc.) as I progressed into the comics and Animation spaces here in S.A. I liked that these parts were separate: Moe is the one who goes off and tries to meet people and find opportunities for himself. Moe is talented and interesting and all that, but Mukhtar, the name I am called at home, he’s just a guy. Mukhtar is a son and a brother and a friend and someone who tells really bad jokes just on the off-chance that someone he loves might smile.
I like that it’s separate. I’m not sure why.
The way I’ve come to think of it draws on a series of books that I read when I was young: Skulduggery Pleasant. (Now that’s a Name!)
Skulduggery is a Detective/Sorcerer/Undead immortal warrior who fights bad guys and saves the world. In the world of Skulduggery Pleasant, the way names work was like this:
People have their given name, in the case of one of the main characters that would be Stephanie Edgely. Then they have a chosen name, at least, those who choose to learn sorcery and work for the Sanctuary (Irish, magical Bureau/Government in the story world) need to take on a chosen name in order to seal their given name and keep others from using that name to control or hurt them (Names have Power! Remember that?).
In Stephanie's case, she takes on the Chosen name of Valkyrie Cain when she becomes Skulduggery’s partner and protégé. And then finally you have your True-name. Now this is where the comparison gets dicey: In the book-world, characters’ True-names aren’t always known to them, and in certain cases, they carry so much power that they manifest into split-personality-type beings who are enemies to the main characters (read the books, seriously it's weird and a lot of fun). But the way I've come to think about true names, within my personal context, is that they are the name you refer to yourself as, if you do that sort of thing, in your head.
For example, there was this one episode of Batman Beyond (2000), where a villain tries to use a device or something to convince an old and retired Bruce Wayne that he is going insane. However, he is thwarted and, in the end, when Bruce is asked how he could tell that the voice in his head was not his own he says:
"The voice kept calling me Bruce… In my mind, that’s not what I call myself. "
It is later implied that he calls himself Batman. And re-affirms the concept that Bruce Wayne is the mask. A concept popular across many different batman stories across multiple different media. That is his True name.
So, within these definitions:
My Given name would be Mohammed Mukhtar Hoosen.
My Chosen name would be MoeLycaen.
And, My True Name, the name by which I refer to myself and view as the all-encompassing name for all the different sides of me, is actually Mukz or Mukiz. Pronounced Moo-Keez. This is a nickname I've been called since infancy. I got the name from my cousin: Momo. Growing up around him and his brother, Bubbles, and our other cousin, Miks, and their friend, Munchies (these are obviously not their real names).
Growing up I thought it was the coolest thing that they all had these nicknames and I liked that they gave me one too. (At least I think they did. My earliest memories are of Momo calling me Mukiz, so I've just always assumed). To this day, once I step foot in Witbank, I become Mukiz (Or Mukeez-Cheez) to the people there.
You can often tell which parts of me people are familiar with or how close they are to me by what name they call me or how I am introduced to them. A lot of people nowadays know me as Moe. Few as Mohammed. But when you meet those who call me Mukhtar, they are likely family members or people who knew me when I was growing up in Mafikeng. Those who call me Mukiz are likely close family members or people who are more familiar with all of me; the good, the bad, the creative and everything else.
Though there are exceptions. Like those who have gotten close enough to know more of me but still refer to me by the name we were introduced by or those who still call me Mukiz but don’t actually know me that well anymore…
It can get confusing, that’s why I don't put too much pressure on trying to keep these different names in order, I don't really care what you call me. Whether it’s Mukz, Mukiz, Mukhtar, Moe, Muggbah, Toastie (don’t ask), or even ‘Hey you’: I am all of them. Simultaneously. They are all me. So, call me whatever, I genuinely don’t mind, as long as there's no malice involved.
That’s my little fascination with names and identity as it stands currently. It will change at some point. Through the very act of writing this, I can already see my understanding changing.
And that’s good! It should change. Like I said, this is not something I figured out as a child and somehow stuck to throughout my life, but it is an understanding that has slowly taken shape through the act of living and engaging with life. So long as I keep living, my interpretation will keep expanding. Heck, if I’m lucky enough at one point, I’ll carry the names of Husband and Father. That’s really going to change everything, top-to-bottom, from Mukiz to MoeLycaen, none of us will be the same.
I hope this makes you think about your name/s and the place they hold in your life. If it does, that’d be a really cool thing that happens.
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